This summer marks my ten year anniversary of journaling. In 2009 I was twelve going on thirteen, entering the precipice of eighth grade. In celebration, here are my most notable journal entries.
June 18, 2009
When I was reading today, I was thinking about life. What is the meaning of life? It's hard to describe, but very scary. Why am I so afraid of the future? Why do I have so little faith in the Lord? I wish I were stronger. For some reason, I feel so confused . . . so trapped . . . why am I so afraid?
June 19, 2009
As the day pressed on, things did get better. I told Mom and Dad why I was discouraged. They understood completely and even gave me advice. They said, "It's good to notice you're rude lately. Take the summer and work on initiating conversation." That's basically what they said.
For the entire school year, I just wanted to be someone else--someone not so shy and someone really outgoing.
June 23, 2009
I am attempting to write a book--again. I had so many concepts and ideas but then I stopped liking them, but I'm going to try to stick with this one.
June 25, 2009
Two celebrities died today: Farrah Faucet and Michael Jackson. There were all sorts of special news alert things about it. I have never heard of Farrah Faucet, but definitely Michael Jackson. I can't believe he passed on--it's weird to think about after all these years. I wonder if they went to heaven or hell. It is scary to think about.
July 10, 2009
When I got home, I read Mom and Dad my paragraph of why I liked writing . . . they choked up they thought it was so good! I don't write great in this journal--all my sentences are choppy. I'm not big on journaling, but it's just for my entertainment. Plus I do it late at night while it's hard to concentrate.
July 15, 2009
When Dad cut his finger, he asked me find the bandaids because he supposedly gave them to me. When he asked me if would help find them, I said I guess, He got really mad which made me mad. So I left. I went outside and started walking. It was no attempt to run away but I just walked. I turned around by the time I got to the Smith's driveway.
I went back home and went into mom and dad's room. We had planned on walking around the block. She knew something was wrong so she asked me what happened. When I eventually told her, she said that serving people would help me get over depression, and that Dad just needed my help finding a bandaid.
I had not realized how selfish I was, but I am glad that she told me not to worry about only my own problems, but to help others too. So tomorrow I am going to start over.
July 26, 2009
I was really discouraged today . . . . I told [Mom] I was discouraged and she asked, "Who likes to tell lies."
In writing class the other day, one exercise was to write a lie I told. With that in mind, I replied, "Me."
"No," she answered.
I tried again, "Satan."
"Yep. Satan is always out to discourage you and put you down. He goes after the extremely gifted . . .. You may someday reach out to people and he will want to stop you."
July 27, 2009
I just finished watching Dating in the Dark. It's about three guys and three girls who are dating in a pitch black room. They're total strangers and on their first date they're all kissing. It is so weird but entertaining.
July 28, 2009
Mom mentioned how we are so blessed to have good health. She's right. It makes you feel bad when you fight over stupid stuff.
I've been thinking about how much God has blessed me, yet I still complain. Although my self-esteem is going up, I want to make sure that when I grow up, I will give a lot of money to people who probably don't have clean water and things like that. I want to give to whoever needs it. Giving is a key to happiness in life I think. You will feel good inside
September 3, 2009
Anyway, we had a sleepover. We watched camp rock and I love it! It had the Jonas Brothers in it and I sorta like them now . . . I mean, I don't crush on them, but I just like them. Before I didn't. I think that it may be even better than HSM! (Yeah, I like Mitchie and Shane better than Troy and Gabriella). Plus, camp Rock is more realistic and believable.
September 6, 2009
Shopping for back to school! I picked out tons of cute clothes! So my style!
What else did I do today? I don't remember . . . probably biked a lot, but I don't know.
Oh I know! I am back to the online quiz frenzy again. I'm just like Kevin Jonas! They also say that I'd be best off dating Nick Jonas!
September 8, 2009
Last day of summer! It still really hasn't registered in my mind (denial!). I'm sorta excited though. Everyone said it was easy. Alex says I have computer class but I do like nothing! Yah! I do have Spanish, however. But, taking Latin since first or second grade, it should be a snap!
I still got that online quiz frenzy. So far, I took a quiz on what Disney Star I am, and I got Selena Gomez, Joe Jonas, and possibly Demi Lovato (my real favorite Disney Star whom I find myself a lot like). And out of Miley and Vanessa, I'm Miley.
Oh man . . . these quizzes are so stupid and mindless . . .
Ten Years Later
I decided to make this post Jonas Brothers-themed because 2009 was the year I became obsessed with them. If I'd known I would see them in concert ten years later (August 27, 2019), thirteen-year-old me would be screaming.